I just filled out the Washington Post Date Lab questionnaire! My God was it long. Here were my answers.

Weird questions meant to teach us something about you

Quick — what's the first thing you do when you get up in the morning?

1. I am a child of the Internet era. I generally turn on my laptop, check Facebook to see how my friends around the world are doing, and then get out of bed. For more details see http://xkcd.com/490/

What's the last book you read?

2. Read or listened to? On a recent long drive back from visiting a friend in Atlanta, I listened to the book "calculating God," in which an alien walks into a museum asks to see a paleontologist. The alien believes in God; the paleontologist is an atheist. Fascinating discussions ensue.

Before that, I read a post apocalyptic novel called, "Earth abides," in which just a few people survive a global catastrophe and have to rebuild society.

Currently I'm working through a nonfiction book Called "The last trials of Clarence Darrow." It is a lot more fascinating I thought would be.

What's the last song you couldn't get out of your head?

3. The Arlington Rap. I'm not bitter though; it was amazing. To this day, whenever I'm on the Metro and ride past Clarendon, all I can hear in my head is "The Clizzle-Dizzle!"

If you could have any superpower, which one would you want? Why?

4. Flying and invisibility might be neat, but they are far too clichéd. I would far prefer the ability to sight read any piece of music ever written on the piano. This is something I could take joy in for the rest of my life, not to mention the fact that I would be a hit at parties.

You took a three-hour tour with some friends, and now you're stranded on this island.

Which three foods do you wish you'd remembered to pack?

5. Pizza, Chinese, and Thai. The trifecta.

Which three DVDs?

6. Does a trilogy count as three? I would choose the "Back to the Future for trilogy, and if I get two more, "Defending Your Life" and "Galaxy Quest."

Which three people do you wish you had along?

7. Obama, to deliver amazing speeches inspiring me to get off the island; Stephen Colbert, to keep the mood spirited with his observations on intra-island politics; and New York Times puzzle editor Will Shortz, to keep us occupied with challenging yet amusing Island games.

Imagine your dating history is being turned into a TV show. Pitch it to us.

8. Quirky redhead meets dozens of girls who seemed great online, but in real life had the personality of a kumquat. Almost every date would end early as our hero absconds to the book store in search of more interesting tales.

What's the first drink you'd order in a bar?

9. I like girly drinks. I am not ashamed to admit it. The Pinker, the better. How about a cosmopolitan? Or a nice glass of rosé zinfandel? How about something with a little umbrella? When all else fails, you can't go wrong with a good long island.

What are the chances you'd then start talking to the stranger next to you and end up making a new friend?

10. In my mind? Quite high. I'm always playing out little hypothetical meetings in my head. It comes from many years of trying to be a fiction writer -- I hear witty dialogue.

In reality? Fairly low. I can be shy around people I don't know well, especially at first.

What's the first thing people notice when they walk into your home?

11. There is a loud parrot squawking in the distance. That's Rudy, the most popular bird on Twitter! He loves to meet new people and dance for them while I sing the Rudy song.

Then they would probably notice the piano, the guitar, and the loads of sheet music laying around.

When are you happiest?

12. I am frequently happy. I am happy when I am creating -- words, pictures, music, it doesn't matter as long as I get to exercise my creative mind. I am happy when I'm singing -- I have spent several years in choirs, and little on earth is more joyous than creating beautiful harmonious music with your friends.

In what ways would you say you are very D.C.?

13. I am constantly checking my Blackberry, debating the merits of the latest Supreme Court nominee, standing to the right and walking to the left. You know how it is.

In what ways aren't you?

14. So much of Washington DC is so buttoned down and conservative. I am a quirky guy. I actually bought a Segway and used it to commute to and from work. I am one of the few non-crazy guys you might see singing to myself while waiting for the Metro. Most people in DC need to lighten up a little.

Think about the last couple of people you dated (and, yes, "only once" counts). How/where did you meet those people?

15. I meet people to date almost exclusively online. I just don't get out very much, I'm not a bar person, and I'm not often in a position to meet new people. Online dating is very convenient, but that convenience is often outweighed by the fact that you cannot gauge chemistry through a computer screen.

C'mon, brag a little: What makes you a good catch?

16. I'm creative, I sing, I have a parrot, a Segway, I'm funny, I'm smart, I give amazing massages. In short, I am a unique guy -- I guarantee she has never met anyone quite like me.

Vaguely embarrassing questions about who you date

So, what's your type? (And don't tell us you don't have one — that's such a cop-out.)

17. I like a girl with sparkle. A girl who can make me laugh, who is creative, who is always thinking, who has a unique perspective on the world. Witty repartee and shared laughter are essential.

Physically, I like slender brunettes, shorter than myself. The sexy librarian type.

What's his/her theme song? You know, the one set off in your head when you see 'em?

18. "You're gonna make it after all," from the Mary Tyler Moore show. It conveys a ladylike sense of wonder about the world. The girl walking down the street, throwing her hat up in the air, excited about her future. That's her.

Most singletons say they want to meet someone funny. But what's your idea of funny?

19. I am a big fan of dry humor, of subtle irony, of wordplay, of the slightly bizarre. The Office is a good summary of my tastes. And I'm not surprised that The Office started out as a British program; I love British humor.

Pie-in-the-sky time: In your wildest dreams, whom (or what kind of person) would you like to date? An anthropologist who makes a mean paella? An actress/humanitarian who flies her own plane? Jack from "Lost"? Don't hold back.

20. A Ph.D. candidate who volunteers at the animal shelter, takes amazingly artistic photographs, does standup comedy in her spare time, and loves to sing -- on key.

Imagine your date writes you that s/he is "equally comfortable in jeans or in formal attire." Your reaction?

21. She is a liar. And not creative at all. It reminds me of the girls on match.com who write, "I love to go out, but I also like to stay in!" Gee, sweetheart, so does everyone. I can almost hear the ditzy laugh in my head. Oh God, make it stop!

What was your best date ever?

22. It was with a girl I had met at a friend's holiday party. She was moving out of the state in a few day, but I asked her out anyway. We had amazing chemistry. We met at a quiet lounge, and secured a couch. We drank and talked for hours. The conversation flowed. And we had the best first kiss of my life. We pulled back and both said, "Wow."

It didn't work out, but we are still friends. I try to stay friends with all of my exes.

What was your worst?

23. I'm sure I have repressed it.

What hobbies/interests/outlooks/passions would you hope to share with your date?

24. I have found that I tend to get along best with other creative people. I would hope we could sing together, although it's not crucial. I would also like to be one of those power couples who goes jogging through the neighborhood together, making everyone else jealous.

In what ways would you hope s/he differs from you?

25. I am an absent-minded professor type, so I hope she would be better with organizing and remembering details than I am. And I want someone who is a little more caring than I am, and who can nudge me in the right direction when my conscience fails me.

What's the worst reason you've ever broken up with someone? (We're all seriously petty at times.)

26. I don't break up easily. I have ended relationships because we lack a shared sense of humor, because we have different fundamental values, because every serious discussion turns into an argument and somebody ends up crying. But I don't break up with somebody because she gets too fat. (At least, I haven't yet.)

In your world, what features or characteristics would normally rule someone out as a dating possibility?

27. I won't date anyone who smokes. I won't date anyone who does not want children. On a shallow level, I simply am not attracted to girls who are overweight, so that is usually a nonstarter as well.

The Wind Shield is what makes it really bad

Katherine:  you ran tonight?
Matt:   YES
Katherine: it's -7 right now here WITHOUT windshield
Matt:   awwwwwwww
  windshield!
  that's adorable!
  hahahahaa
Katherine:  what
Matt:   hahahahahaha
  do you call it windshield
Katherine:  yes
Matt:  hahahahahaa
  awww
Katherine:  oh no
Matt:  that's so cute
  that's like when i used to call it pasghetti
Katherine: i'm looking at your status
Matt:  hahahaaha
Katherine: it's wind chill???
Matt:  YES!!!!!
Katherine: i thought it was wind shield!!!!!!
Katherine: all these years!
Matt:  hahhahahaha
  oh no!
Katherine: i guess i've only ever said it
Matt:  you have been hoodwinked
Katherine: never written it
  no one ever corrected me
  cuz i guess it always sounded like windchill
Matt:  it would sound like a southern accent
  if you said it your way
Katherine: i do get awfully twangy
Matt:  wow
  in your defense
  i used to also think it was windshield
Matt:  until i was about 12 years old
Matt:  but then i figured it out
Katherine: how come no one has ever said, it's not said that way!
Katherine: i must have gotten it from you then
Matt:  OH DON'T BLAME ME for this
Katherine: how did i not know
  maybe i did know
Matt:  that is tragic
  and awesomely hilarious
Katherine: i'm sure i've seen it written
  maybe i'm just creating it
  cuz i look at the weather channel all the time
  and they write wind chill
  but my mind sees it like windshield
  this confirms it: i only see what i want to see!
  and hear what i want to hear!
Matt:  that's the definition of a crazy person!!
Katherine: then call me crazy

You'll See: THREE

After two years of making movies for New Year's, Matt decides he is too mature to sing and frolic with Nate and Donnie. Devastated, the two attempt to make this year's movie without him... with HILARIOUS results. Will their attempts at movie making be successful? Will Matt ever sing or frolic again? You'll see...

Today's Practical Joke

I give a stack of letters to my secretary, with directions to have these copied and given to Gary so he could take them to the Copyright Office. "So you want these to go to the FCC?" she asks. "No," I repeat, "Copyright Office."

An hour later Gary stops by my office, where a partner is giving me an unrelated assignment.

Gary: The lady at the FCC said she didn't really know what these were about but she took them anyway.

Matt: FCC? (look of shock and horror) ...COPYRIGHT OFFICE!

Gary: Uh oh.

...Gary breaks into laughter. The partner cracks up, and gives him a high five.

Partner: Did you see his face turn all red!

They walk out of the office, laughing.

Rudy Loves to Cuddle!