Well, at least I'm not as narcissistic as I used to be...

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||||||||| 38% Schizoid |||||||||||||||| 66% Schizotypal |||||||||||||||| 66% Antisocial |||||| 30% Borderline |||||| 22% Histrionic |||||| 26% Narcissistic |||||||||||||||| 62% Avoidant |||| 14% Dependent |||||||||| 38% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||| 50%

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I'll come back to elaborate on these test results, but considering I got basically the same scores as Skwigg, I consider myself in pretty good company. ;-)

Rudy On Head

Sure, I could spend a few minutes regaling you with stories of moving into my new apartment, and then finding out that said apartment is HAUNTED; I could talk about my ire at learning of the elitist snobby bullshit pulled by the owner of Murky's Coffee in Arlington; I could talk about how much fun I had at Kal's wedding (and the ensuing 3 hour nap on the bathroom floor).

But that would all require too much work.

So instead, I bring you this photograph, taken circa 2008 with my iPhone, and spruced up a bit in a photo editor. I call it, "Rudy On Head." Discuss.

A Ginger Snap Vignette

As Matt walks through the office hallways, he overhears two secretaries talking about ginger snaps.

Secretary 1: I can't find old fashioned ginger snaps anywhere.
Matt (stops in his tracks): Are you looking for old fashioned ginger snaps?
S: Do you know where I can find them??
M: Not yet. But I'm going to make it my mission.
S2: Really?
M: You're looking for ginger snaps, right?
S1: Yes.
M: That's a cause I can get behind.
S1 and S2 (all smiles): Thanks!

As Matt walks away, he hears them in the distance. S1: "He's so nice!"

Announcing My Candidacy

Scenes from My Life

Scene 1: Matt's apartment. Matt is starving, and then he receives a phone call.

Delivery Man: I'm outside, can you come down?
Matt: I'll be right down!

Matt comes downstairs but there is no sign of the delivery man. A minute later, he shows up in his car.

Matt: You said you were outside!
Delivery Man: Well, technically I was "outside."
Matt: You know, you should be a lawyer.
Delivery Man: I am a lawyer! I practiced law in Tunisia before I came to America!

*

Scene 2: Choir rehearsal. Conductor asks where all the second tenors are sitting. They raise their hands on the other side of the room. Matt, a first tenor, hisses at them.

Second #1: Did you just hiss?!
Matt: Second tenors are second-class citizens.
Second #2: And you're a first-class asshole!

*

Scene 3: Church, before the service. The pastor is harried and not looking where she's going. She slams open a door, almost running into Matt, who has to jump back to avoid a collision. Pastor just stands there, staring, not knowing what to say.

Matt (serene and smiling): You are Forgiven.
Pastor (pleasantly surprised): You are also Forgiven. Grace be to God!

boop... BOOP! boop... BOOP!

With the writers strike over, I can officially start to look forward to another season of 24! That's the good news. The bad news is that it won't be on until NEXT JANUARY. Gah! But the other maybe good news is that one of the news articles I read said that the cancellation of my New Favorite Show Journeyman is not COMPLETELY CERTAIN, and there is a SLIGHT possibility that there could be additional episodes ordered. Time to start praying.

Until the prayers kick in, I leave you with this, the character I would be if I were on 24.

Which 24 Character Are You?

Created by BuddyTV

Truths of Apartment Hunting

• When they show you the common living areas first, and spend a seemingly disproportionate amount of time talking about how great those common areas are, the bedroom will be incredibly small. Conversely, if they head straight for the bedroom, it's probably pretty big.
• People who work at the Pentagon, or in the military, keep their place spotless and perfectly organized. Sometimes they want you to take your shoes off upon entering. Needless to say, this will not be a good fit for me.
• Apartments with ceiling fans are not safe for Rudy. I can just picture him exploding in a big puff of orange and yellow feathers, a la the infamous baseball pitch of the late 20th century. Oh, the humanity!
• I have no qualms with sharing a place with one gay man, one gay woman, or two gay women who are partners. Apparently, however, I get a little squeamish at the prospect of sharing a place with two gay men who are partners... what if I hear something!
  

The Medallion

Cleaning my apartment, I came across two paragraphs I wrote 6 months ago on a piece of notebook paper. Apparently it's the start of an intriguing story. I'm not sure where I was going with this, but I like it and I want to share it with the world and get your suggestions as to What Next!

The star-shaped medallion had been laying in the field for so long, it no longer remembered what its purpose was. Several times over the years it thought someone had spotted it, thought a boy had seen the sunlight reflecting from one of its corners, was positive a girl had spied it glinting from just beneath the now dense growth of grass and weeds. But no -- if they saw anything at all, they must have dismissed it as a mere figment of their imagination, for the boy moved off, laughing and racing with his friends... and the girl merely giggled as she had at everything else in her field of view, and she skipped along, now laughing at the trees and the wind and the sunshine all around her.

And there the medallion sat like that, not-quite-seen. Years passed, as did generations, and son became father became grandfather, and more children came and went, playing and scurrying and working and growing old, oblivious, never truly seeing, and so never realizing that their lives need not end.

What I'm Reading...

And old folk, too, the rich ones are the worst, snarling and savage and cursing me, railing and screaming: what did I think I was? Hadn’t they gathered and saved all the gold they could garner? Wouldn’t I take some now, to put them back ashore? They’d have the law on me, they had powerful friends, they knew the Pope and the king of this and the duke of that, they were in a position to see I was punished and chastised . . . But they knew what the truth was in the end: the only position they were in was in my boat going to the land of the dead, and as for those kings and Popes, they’d be in here, too, in their turn, sooner than they wanted.

--The Amber Spyglass by Philip Pullman

An Enjoyable Waste of Time

In 3m 32s

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We'll Be Right Back

BeforeISleep.net had a wonderful vacation, is currently getting into the swing of 2008, and will be back soon!

Office Space 2: Milton's Revenge

Now that I am getting out of the house every day and wandering downtown like a productive member of society, my mind has been active, and several neat little observations have bubbled up in my brain lately.

Unfortunately, also like a productive member of society, I am pooped when I get home and all I want to do is veg. So today is not the day that I will post those nifty observations on my Web site. However, you are in for a treat.

I have always been a fan of trailer remixes, and I just ran across a VERY well done remix of Office Space, turning this ingenious comedy into a rather effective psychological thriller. I present it here for y'all. Enjoy! :-)

Out of the Ordinary

Clean Shaven with Rudy
Originally uploaded by CaseWriter21

Some quick updates:

• I shaved my beard. Why? I was bored. I wanted to remember what I looked like clean-shaven. I think I look pretty cute - from the front anyway. Profile views are a bevy of double chins, but what can ya do.
• I had excruciating hiccups the other day. After a few minutes of torture, I decided to try my standard remedy: drinking water upside down. This entails holding a cup or bottle of water in my hand, bending forward at the waist and placing my mouth on the opposite side of the cup, and drinking the water by tilting my head forward. Normally this works like a charm. This time, it succeeded in getting rid of my hiccups, but there was an unexpected hiccup: I GOT WATER INSIDE MY HEAD. Yes, I'm serious. It seemed to go through an opening up by my sinuses, and ended up in the post-nasal-drip area. And it wouldn't leave. Whenever I shook my head, I heard sloshing, like the ocean. (Okay, that last part isn't true, but my head did feel oddly filled with liquid.) That night, it was very difficult to fall asleep, and in the morning, I awoke with a bad sore throat from where the water had irritated me. Luckily, things are starting to get better now as the water -- mercifully -- is draining away somewhere. But yesterday, I didn't know if the water would ever go away, so to urge it along, I purchased a...
• Neti Pot! See Wikipedia for details. I had been terrified of trying this thing ever since I first learned about it from a hippie heath store worker friend last year. But I finally took the plunge and did it. And ya know what? I didn't accidentally waterboard myself! VIDEO COMING SOON. Hahahaha, that will gross so many people out.

Addendum: My bird picks his nose.