Friday, November 23, 2007

Why I Hate Traveling

Most girls I know LOVE to travel. My sister hops around the world with abandon, working multiple jobs to be able to afford such adventures, and sometimes taking a job in her destination city of choice. It seems every girl on absolutely loves traveling, so much so that they list it along with shopping as their favorite things to do.

I can't stand traveling.

This Thanksgiving our family decided to meet up in Vegas for shows, gambling and turkey day buffet debauchery. A wonderful reprieve from document reviewing. My flight was supposed to leave Reagan National at 11:45 am, I'd get a connecting flight in Minneapolis at 3, and I'd arrive in Vegas at 4:30 Vegas-time.

Notice I said "supposed to."

So, the first leg of my flight -- the one heading to a connecting flight in Minneapolis -- was delayed by two hours because of storms in Memphis, which delayed the plane's arrival in DC.

Once I finally got on the plane, there were two young toddlers in the row right behind me. THEY WERE ALREADY CRYING, and we hadn't even gotten into the air yet. Once in the airn, the one directly behind my head was screaming and screeching and crying for easily two-thirds of the journey. It was at least two years old and really should have known better.

The second leg was supposed to be quite grand. I had checked in the previous night via the Internet, and secured a wonderful exit row seat right in front of the large entrance area to the plane. I would have had five feet of legroom and gotten to watch as everybody shuffled onto the plane. The last time I had that seat, a couple years ago, I ended up flirting with a very cute brunette when she engaged me in a playful discussion about the Cinnabon I was making love to. Alas, I did not capitalize on her IOIs. Now armed with Mystery's glorious tips, I was looking forward to picking a target and trying my luck.

But it was not to be! Because the first flight was delayed, I missed my exit row flirting seat that would have gotten me to Vegas by 4:30, and had to be crammed into *fucking 12-E* -- the middle seat in between a guy and an upper-middle-aged woman who smelled strongly of adult diapers. Adding insult to injury, our plane was delayed on the tarmac for half an hour because, in the words of the pilot, "the de-icing platform is just a mess." He told us we'd be hear for another 30 minutes to an hour. Hearing that, the biatch in front of me decided to break all protocol and recline her goddamn seat back! I wanted to shout, "You have to keep your seat back and tray table up until the captain turns off the fasten seatbelt sign!" But since I was illegally using a communications device to text message people and inform them of my plight, I decided not to call the kettle African American.

Long story short, I got up early for nothing, wasted several hours wandering about two airports, and didn't get in to Vegas until after 7 -- missing the Cirque du Soleil show for which I had a non-refundable ticket.

I enjoy exploring strange new worlds. I like seeking out new life and new civilizations. I am a fan of boldly going where no Matt has gone before. But until The Powers That Be invent and commercialize transporter technology and/or warp speed, I'm staying at home on my couch and exploring strange new worlds the way God intended: by watching DVR'd Star Trek episodes.


Liz said...

go matt! lol! i second your planned way of exploring new civilizations -- dvds of star trek! and i am not even a trekky! but all this traveling bs has just got to stop, dude! xoxo liz

Di said...

Matt, I know that this is sort of what you signed up for when you decided to become a lawyer, but you are right... it is not healthy to dread going to work every day and to have a work schedule that causes your physical health to decline!!

I am worried :(

Matt said...

Ah, it's my little detective, putting together my twitter update and my rising weight "loss" graph to make correct inferences.

Damn you, detective!

Yes, all of those things are true but as we have discussed they are only temporary. i have spoken with friends who have actual law firm jobs and, although they are working hard, they are having a grand ole time going to court and drafting complaints and whatnot.

Document review is NOT law firm work unless you are at one of the superbig firms where they have inhouse attorneys do this stuff.

Just gotta get through the day... and then again... and again.

Liz the Wiz of this Biz she calls Shigizzzzzzaaaa what?!?! lol said...

You can do it bobo! :-) Just imagine the Rocky them song playing in your head and keep saying over and over to yourself: "I CAN DO IT! I CAN DO IT! I CAN DO IT! I AM THE CHAMPION, MY FRIEND.... dah dah.. AND I'LLLLL keep on fighting... TIL THE END... dah dah dah...." WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS NO TIME FOR LOSERS LA LA LA LA LA LALLALALALAAA... WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS... OF THE WORLD!!!! lollllllllllllllll maybe i switch songs there... and when i saw WE are the champions -- i mean YOU AND ME, buddy! lol. ambien... xanax...... loopppppppppppppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! OH! i have an interview today at a medical office as a receptionist/xray person in southfield! pretty cool, huh? MONSTER.COM does wonders! I LOVE YOU AND KEEP YOUR CHIN UP, MY CUTE LIL' REDHEADED BOBO OF MINE!!!! :-) xoxo liz