Thursday, March 15, 2007

Look, ma! I'm famous!

The University of Michigan basketball team had the misfortune, yet again, of attending the NIT tournament, also known as the Losers Tournament, a kind of consolation contest for those who didn't make it into the NCAA.

I learned all of the above facts within the past two days, as my dad told me he bought us all tickets for the NIT game at Michigan on Tuesday. NIT game? Michigan? Tuesday? All vague concepts to me, until my dad explained that basketball is a game whereupon one tries to "shoot" a ball into a hoop with a net under it. By "shoot," apparently he meant "throw the ball upward." There are, in reality, no guns involved.

The point of all this is that we got stuck sitting behind an IDIOT who wore a bag over his head for the whole game, including but not limited to the opening buzzer, halftime, when we were up by 11 or only up by 1. He wore the bag the entire time. At first I thought he wanted media attention, but then I realized that the TV cameras were in fact behind us. And then when the Ann Arbor News took his picture and tried to ask him a few questions, he shrugged them off. Apparently he just wanted to sit there and sulk. Inside a bag. With the words "NIT AGAIN" scrawled on the back, visible only to me and my mom.

Imagine my glee when I opened up the Detroit News this morning to see a picture of Bag Man buried inside the sports section, and, just behind him, me! Only partially obscured! It turns out the Web version of the photo also includes pieces of my mom and dad! I am famous!

Monday, March 12, 2007

Do people actually like their boring law jobs?

I have been trolling the law job boards a lot in recent weeks, looking for an legal job that would let me explore my interests (telecom, technology, etc.) while hopefully working in a cool city (i.e. DC). Yet what I find are not listings for fun jobs, but mostly listings for incredibly boring jobs, like:

* Associate in the Private Wealth Services Group of BigLawFirm LLP, for someone with "an LLM degree interested in the Private Wealth Services Group in our Tax Department in our Richmond Office";
* Employee Benefits Associate to work in the Employee Benefits, Income Tax, and Estates Group of BigLawFirm LLP. Applicants must have "experience in employee benefits and executive compensation." Employer has a "strong preference for LL.M. in Tax with emphasis in Employee Benefits."
* Mergers and Acquisitions Associate to work in the Corporate Law department of BigLawFirm LLP. Applicants must "possess an interest in acquisitions, structural policy and extensive knowledge of the subcontractor bidding processes."

Okay, I made that last one up. But it approximates the types of jobs that are out there. We law students wonder why we can't get jobs doing fun or interesting things? It's because fun and interesting jobs are so few and far between that, for all intents and purposes, they don't exist. All the jobs out there seemingly require a deep love and commitment to tax systems or estate planning or corporate bullshit and SEC filings.

And I wonder, do the lawyers taking those jobs actually enjoy what they do? Do all the people I know who are pursuing tax LL.M's really love thinking about taxes, and navigating complex tax gradations and advising their clients about where to hide their money? Or do the people pursuing tax LL.M's simply do it because those jobs are plentiful, and they don't care about actually enjoying what they do?

When we were little kids, the whole world seemed open to us. "What do you want to be when you grow up, Johnny?" "An astronaut!" "A fireman!" "A movie maker!" I can guarantee you that Johnny never replied, "An associate in the private wealth services group of a big law firm, with a masters degree in taxation and a specialty in mergers and acquisitions!!!"

Gweepay's MugAnd now, here's El SeƱor Gweepay on:
The Top Ten Jobs We Could Do Instead of Being Lawyers

10. Box maker. While most of us take for granted the fact that boxes are a dime a dozen, do you ever wonder just how a box becomes a box? As a box maker, you would be integral to the storage and shipping needs of Americans everywhere. And trust me, box makers get all the chicks!

9. Songwriter for Disney movies. Come on, who WOULDN'T want to write the next "Friend Like Me?"

8. Obituary writer. Pen obits for your local paper. Make Old Man Penniford sound far cooler than he actually was. Get back at Sal Salverstein for all those times he stole your paper. Because you just know it was him.

7. Researcher for the Rush Limbaugh Show. Because even talent on loan from GOD needs someone to find the latest clip of Hillary doing something bitchy, as she is wont to do.

6. Family Guy aside writer. Without clever and random asides, Family Guy would just be the Simpsons, but funny. Help Family Guy to fill in those cues for asides with all new bizarre and inane tangents.

5. Angelina Jolie's bra. Yeah.

4. Professional Contrarian. Make a career out of being irritatingly contrary regarding the conventional wisdom. Annoy the hell out of all your friends, and the general public. Because contrarians get nearly as many chicks as box makers.

3. Ant killer. Enjoy setting ants on fire? Do it for a living! Consultation: $135.95.

2. Master of the House. Start your own bed 'n breakfast. Sing the tune from Les Mis at least once per evening to all of your guests. Tell saucy tales, make little tunes, etc.

And the Number One job we could do in lieu of being lawyers...

Teddy Roosevelt Impersonator. Play the role of TR at the Teddy Roosevelt Museum and Bait Shop in beautiful Paw Paw, Michigan! Wear a fake moustache! Say things like, "bully!", and, er, "that was bully!" Because nothing says chick magnet like TR.

Friday, March 9, 2007


Last night I went out for beers with my sister, came home around 10:45 and promptly fell asleep. Awoke 8 hours later, refreshed. Went to Tim Horton's for a delish Tim Horton's Breakfast Sandwich (THBS) and OJ; read the paper; came back home and cleaned out my car. Took a long time, because, well, my car kind of looked like this. Looks much better now though.

I am now sitting at Panera Bread, using their Internet access to look for DC jobs on the Georgetown law job board. After that, maybe I'll work on the next great American novel. :-)

Need to find a job soon though. I'm getting pretty antsy. And I really want to get back to DC so I can continue my pleasant existence in my favorite city. So vibrant! So much history! So much culture! So many singing opportunities! I miss it. A lot.

Thursday, March 8, 2007


So yesterday was my 10,000th birthday. That is, as of Wednesday, March 7, 2007, I have been alive on this planet for 10,000 days. I first discovered the date when, a couple years ago, I put my birthday into an online date calculator thingie, and it told me that on 3/7/07 I would be 10,000. And I thought, "Wow. That's awesome! I think 10,000 days is so much more meaningful than, say, 27 years." So I told everyone I was going to have a big party on my 10,000th. Of course, this inevitably led to quizzical looks, and an explanation of what I meant when I said I was turning 10,000. Thing is, no one was quite as excited about it as me. The first thing they wanted to know was how I figured it out, and could I show them the web site so they could find out their date? But that was it. It was just a novelty to them, and lately when I've told people I'm almost 10,000 days old, the typical reaction has been less wide-eyed enthusiasm, and more rolled eyes and telling me I'm weird.

The party didn't happen, mostly because I'm currently in a state of flux, not really having a permanent home (or job to speak of), and with all my friends being scattered around the globe. OK, maybe I am a little "weird" for wanting to celebrate 10,000 days, but it's only weird in that it's atypical. Our society celebrates birthdays yearly -- probably because it's the easiest to track -- and it seems my attempt at emphasizing the Ten Thousandth Day has been mostly unsuccessful. That said, I'm not the first person to come up with the idea of a 10K Day Party! A quick Google search shows a few other likeminded 20-somethings -- though the phenomenon is mostly localized in the UK. I've always fancied their way of looking at the world.