I am standing here in the lobby of the Kellogg Center on the campus of Michigan State University. My initial trepidation at being surrounded by thousands of green-and-white-clad Spartans has faded, as I realize that I am mostly barricaded from them inside this fine Center.
As the test nears -- it's 9 am tomorrow -- I now feel a sense of calm. I earlier felt a sense of dread, but that was only because I was trying to remember everything, and as the test date approached, I realized that was impossible. Now, however, I have accepted that I will not know everything, I CANNOT know everything, and there is a high likelihood that I will have to do this again in July.
I'm not too horrified at the prospect. I don't have a job lined up yet, so nothing is really riding on this other than a few hundred dollars more fees. I know that in some way I am purposely trying to downplay the importance of the test so that I don't totally freak out, but I also know that I *don't* know important fundamentals of courses I never took. I also know that I am still shaky on elements of torts, or some crimes, that by this point should be down cold.
Don't get me wrong; I have studied my ass off in the past two months. Perhaps I have studied HARD instead of studying SMART. In any case, we'll know in a few months how I did. For the next few days, I will awake and proceed with confidence combined with the knowledge that even the worst is not THAT bad.