Monday, February 26, 2007

Acceptance?

I am standing here in the lobby of the Kellogg Center on the campus of Michigan State University. My initial trepidation at being surrounded by thousands of green-and-white-clad Spartans has faded, as I realize that I am mostly barricaded from them inside this fine Center.

As the test nears -- it's 9 am tomorrow -- I now feel a sense of calm. I earlier felt a sense of dread, but that was only because I was trying to remember everything, and as the test date approached, I realized that was impossible. Now, however, I have accepted that I will not know everything, I CANNOT know everything, and there is a high likelihood that I will have to do this again in July.

I'm not too horrified at the prospect. I don't have a job lined up yet, so nothing is really riding on this other than a few hundred dollars more fees. I know that in some way I am purposely trying to downplay the importance of the test so that I don't totally freak out, but I also know that I *don't* know important fundamentals of courses I never took. I also know that I am still shaky on elements of torts, or some crimes, that by this point should be down cold.

Don't get me wrong; I have studied my ass off in the past two months. Perhaps I have studied HARD instead of studying SMART. In any case, we'll know in a few months how I did. For the next few days, I will awake and proceed with confidence combined with the knowledge that even the worst is not THAT bad.

4 comments:

carole said...

your attitude toward this exam is healthy and positive. You studied very hard and you WILL do your best. I HAVE THE UTMOST CONFIDENCE IN YOU:) and afterall--who knows you better!!!

Di said...

I agree... I think it's totally normal to have a bit of fear. Over-confidence is what can really kill the test-taker. I felt much the same way before (and during and after) my MS Comprehensive Exams. Ugh.

liz said...

i bet you did great, matt! i am so proud of you! :-)

Bryon said...

Dude, we don't know one another, but I a lawyer who felt the bottom drop out from under me during the bar exam. (Day two, question eight: discovery.) I'm also tight with your former intern-supervisor-guy Scott Goodwin, who sent me the link to your site. (Dope.) Your attitude in February was appropriate. Screw it all. Of course, it's been a few months now. Time and anticipation may have clouded that steely gaze. Or you may have your results by now. Either way, good luck. And if it happens that there is a July test in your future, the boring firm jobs will wait. Until then, you have study hours on Dominick's patio to enjoy.