On Stupidity

A. Half the world is in the bottom 50% of intelligence.

I was watching "1 vs. 100" the other day -- that NBC show in which... well, because I'm too lazy to type the description out, I will paste in what Wikipedia has to say about it: "a single player (the 1) goes up against 100 other contestants (the mob). The 1 gains money for each mob member eliminated, but loses all winnings with an incorrect answer at any point. The host is actor-comedian Bob Saget, and the top prize is $1,000,000 US."

Okay. So the first question in these types of shows is always insanely easy, and the broadcast I was watching was no exception. The question was: "Which of these life forms has the fewest number of cells?" The choices:

1. Eastern Grey Squirrel
2. Calista Flockhart
3. Amoeba

Now, any reasonably intelligent person would laugh at how ludicrously easy that question is. An amoeba is, after all, a one-celled organism. We all learned that back in elementary school. Imagine my shock, then, when the "1" had to use one of her lifelines (or "helps," or whatever it is the kids are calling it these days), in this case choosing to "Poll the Mob." Of course, the most popular answer was the amoeba.

But that's not all: they revealed how many people got the question right versus wrong... and of the 100 people, 89 got it right.

This means ELEVEN GOT IT WRONG. You read that correctly: 11 people out of 100 did not know that an amoeba has fewer cells than a squirrel or a skinny actress. Granted, said actress only has 100 cells, but that's still an order two orders of magnitude greater than one. I just wanted to strangle them all, but I contented myself with the knowledge that they will soon likely weed their genes out of existence through natural selection.

B. The District of Columbia Street Signage Department

Parking around my building is usually quite plentiful, except late at night. As I am a veritable Party Animal, routinely rocking the house in Adams Morgan until the wee hours of the morning, I often have to search for an open space. I recently discovered a treasure trove of spaces just half a block down the street, with a street that indicated Zone 3 parking from 7 am - 8:30 pm! Awesome! But then I noticed the sign just above:



Which is it?! And can someone please tell me which Civil Sadist gave the go ahead to install these two contradictory signs right next to each other? And what do I do? One friend told me I should park there and, if I get ticketed, show them this picture. Another said that I can't park there because the negative sign supersedes the positive sign. Yet another said that I can't park there because red signs are legally superior to blue signs.

Someone please help. I cannot cope with all the idiocy.

Happy Independence Day!

CAS-Capitol-Fourth, originally uploaded by CaseWriter21.

Tonight I had the pleasure of ushering in the 231st year of America's existence by singing in the Capitol Fourth concert on the West Lawn of the Capitol. The concert was broadcast live in HD on PBS, and I made it on screen a few times! This image is actually a photograph I took of my television screen, then cleaned up a bit in Photoshop. Click through for a larger size -- the HD image is truly stunning.

Last year I didn't do the concert, and as I watched it from home, I balked at its cheesy nature -- the Vaudeville style, the dancing girls, the pop artists. This year, it was still as cheesy as ever... but I actually got into it. There is something amusing about Tony Danza tap dancing with a bunch of hotties and singing about how "You're a Grand Ol' Flag" is "one of those songs that you hear now and then -- you don't know just where, and you don't know just when..."

I still prefer a more serious, stately celebration... but this was really fun. AND: I got to keep the tie.


Choral Arts sings backup for Elliot Yamin in "America, the Beautiful"

Where to park my ride...

When I lived in a house, I simply brought my Segway into the living room at night and plugged it in. Now that I live on the third floor of an apartment building with no elevators, stabling the pony is a little more complicated.

Inspecting the building before move in, I found a very nice bike room downstairs, which seemed to have tons of space to hold George H.W. Bush.*



Sure enough, there is plenty of room... but there's nowhere to plug him in! I ended up charging him at work one day, but I realized this is not an optimal solution. I asked building management if there were any outlets, but in my cursory examination, I hadn't seen any.

Imagine my delight, then, when someone from management told me that there was a power outlet near the trash bins I could use! (Not that I was delighted to be able to store Herbert* amidst garbage -- but you do what you gotta do.)

So I went looking for the juice...



And here Walker* stands, all plugged in and charging!



Admittedly, it is not the most dignified resting spot, but it's set off enough from the main drag that most people won't even see 41.* Next project: Choosing a damn name!




* The search for names continues. The current crop of names comes from the fact the our 41st president, George H.W. Bush, loves his Segway, rides it everywhere, and gives it as a gift to world leaders who come to visit. And he has the most awesome sign on his lawn I've ever seen. I have to get one:

The Exciting Life You Don't Hear About

Tonight, as I stood on stage behind the National Symphony Orchestra, facing the Capitol Dome and thousands of people and about to sing the dress-rehearsal concert for tomorrow's July 4th concert on the Mall, my thoughts turned to this blog. Specifically, I realized that the most exciting parts of my life -- the stuff I enjoy the most, and spend the most time on -- really doesn't make it into my blog. That's not because I'm trying to hide it or anything; it's just that when I am doing something exciting and fun, I am not writing on my blog.

It's ironic -- and a bit frustrating -- because these are the kinds of things I really want to tell everyone about. This is the stuff I get out of my apartment for. A couple weeks ago I got to sing for the President at Ford's Theatre for a special that won't air until December... apparently ABC decided that the typically summer show would make more money as a winter special, so there we were, singing Christmas carols for the president as Winona Judd asked him if he had picked out a present for Laura yet. And Olivia Newton John was there -- she was totally making eyes at me! And our musical director was Bill Conti, an award-winning composer who not only does the Academy Awards every year, but also wrote the Rocky Theme. He was hilarious and inspiring and extremely talented. And I realized how lucky I am to get the opportunity to do all these amazing things.

And I wanted to write about it at the time... but after work and rehearsal and spending time with friends, there was no time left over to write a blog post and do it justice.

That's the way it goes, I guess. Sometimes I'm really prolific... and those are the times when I have the least going on. So I write about my latest Segway Reaction of the Day, or how neat technology is, and BeforeISleep readers get a rather one-sided picture of Who I Am.

I am not just a technophile. I am a singer, a musician, a photographer, an author, a tinkerer, a scholar. And a lawyer. And yes, a technophile. :-)

It's kind of sad that I don't have time to write about the things that intrigue me the most, that make me the happiest, that take up so many of my waking hours.

Then again, it's kind of wonderful that I often have so little time to blog.

It means I am enjoying Life.

Segway Reaction of the Day!

July 2, 2007

Near the end of my 2.5 mile journey to work this morning, I got my first anti-Segway remark! According to the Segway chat boards, this is probably the most common negative response. So I'm about 2 blocks from work, when I hear a middle-aged guy yell something at me. I was traveling at about 10 mph and listening to NPR on my headphones, so it was a bit hard to hear... and there was a very slight Doppler Effect that I had to correct for... but in the end, his message was clear:

"Walking's healthier!"

Why thank you, kind sir! Yes, I suppose walking 5 miles to and from work every day might be "healthier" (it would burn 500 calories, after all). There would, however, be several down sides:

• At my standard ambling pace of 3 mph, my one-way commute would take approximately 50 minutes;
• With my extremely efficient body-heat-reduction capabilities, supercharged by humid DC summers, I would be drenched by the time I got to work;
• I would have to use more sun block (SPF 70); and
  
• I may get a bit tired.

Segway Opponents assume everyone just rolls around on their wheels because they're lazy and don't want to walk down the street for lunch. But as my Evil Boss can attest to, I walk to Quizno's, thank you very much. Any more than half-a-mile or so, however, and you're damn right I'm gliding!